I had the pleasure of spending some time with two of my younger brothers on Friday night. My two youngest brothers Nathan and Matthew came over which is always a welcome surprise. I love hanging out with my siblings and I enjoy my youngest brothers very much! I am so lucky that two teenage guys, 18 and 17 respectively, actually want to hang out with their 31 year old sister!
On this particular evening Nathan and I planned to go and see the new X-Men Origins film and my brother Matthew volunteered to watch my kids. I couldn't say no to that! We had a great time and after it was all said and done I drove the boys to my parents home roughly an hour away.
Since it was a Friday night my parents were both up even though it was getting a bit late, and my dad shared some unwelcome news with me. My sister had been run over by a car and was in the hospital recuperating from 3 fractured ribs and a punctured lung. I was shocked, and then I started to cry. I work in health care so I know just how close a call it was. I was so relieved that her injuries weren't worse, or even fatal. In the moments after I heard the news my mind was running a mile a minute. I realized that I hadn't talked to my sister in a year and hadn't seen her in two. I hadn't written or even sent a Christmas card. It wasn't that I hadn't mean to do those things, they just didn't ever happen. I love my sister, but we haven't always been close. In fact, when we were girls we fought quite a bit. We were very different and usually didn't see eye to eye. I haven't always agreed with her, but Carrie is my only sister and the realization that I could have lost her forever was frightening and overwhelming for me. In that moment I made a resolution to be more diligent in keeping up contact with family members that I don't see on a regular basis. I don't want to regret what I should have done. I am not perfect, but I know I need to at least improve if not perfect my communication with family. I am so grateful that Carrie is on the mend, and I am so thankful that she was spared. I am also thankful for a well needed wake-up call so that I can change my ways before it is too late!!
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Monday, June 1, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Motherhood Lessons
I am a mom, not just a title that I wear, I am a mother. I need some fine tuning for sure.. but I am working on that. One thing that I have learned about motherhood is that God is good enough to give you life lessons just when you didn't know that you needed them. Last night we followed our usual routine, rush home, eat whatever I can throw together, sit down and try to muddle through elementary school homework, baths and bed... ah... deep breath. Then we start the long line of times that my youngest Aidan will get out of bed and ask for water, or come into the living room just to tell me that she got up to go potty or that she can't sleep. With all the stresses of the day I usually am feeling pretty uptight and tired and fried at this time, which leads to some unpleasant sniping on my part whenever Aidan pulls this stuff. I am usually in a dark mood by the time I actually attempt to study for my own homework. I am tired and cranky and muddled and wondering "what was I thinking when I thought I could do this?". Mercifully last night was different.
The evening started the same, but somewhere in the middle something changed. I was dealing with putting the kids to bed, which is usually like pulling teeth without Novocaine, when I had an AH moment. I kissed each child and hugged them too, fielded questions on whether they could watch TV for "just a little bit" before bed and asked if they had brushed their teeth. I got to Aidan's bed and hugged her and kissed her, when I went to pull away she held me close and said "Mommy, I miss you". I stopped.. dead in my tracks. I realized that there was so much in those four little words. A little 5 year old girl lost in the shuffle. Always trying to stay out of the way, but fighting not to be forgotten. I felt ashamed of how I always ask her in my exasperated tone to "PLEASE play in your room" or "Aidan can you play magic fairy princess somewhere else?" or the one that cut the most, "Mommy, I made this beautiful picture just for YOU! Do you like it?" to which I gave a distracted "uh-huh" while trying to read for a test. I realized in that moment that my little crazy bundle of energy wasn't a nuisance, she was a wonderful addition to my family, maybe I didn't want her to hurry up and grow out of this stage maybe she was perfect where she was.
Instead of prying her little arms off my neck and begging her to please go to sleep so that I could actually get something done, I asked her if she thought that her stuffed animal friends would mind one more in the bed. It warmed my heart the way she silently asked them and then told me it was "cool with them". I crawled into the tiny space she made just for me. We covered up in her pink blankets and snuggled close. She stroked my face and said, "Mommy, I love you, You are my very best friend!" There it was, the perfect phrase to unlock tear ducts. I whispered in a voice thick with tears, "Aidan you are my best friend too", and I meant it. "Thank you God" I thought as I held her close and listened to her breathe. "Thank you for this child, thank you for letting me be her mother". I felt her small body in my arms and tried to memorize how it felt for times when she wouldn't feel the same. In that moment, homework and my job and bills and anything else seemed so insignificant. I prayed that God would help me remember that she was not to be put in the background of my life. It hit me like bricks that someday she would be grown and I would wish for more memories of times like this and so I must change before it was too late. I was so thankful for that precious moment with my baby, my little girl. Her breathing was slow so I knew she had fallen asleep, peacefully, no fight needed. I was in no hurry to let her go, so I lay there with tears rolling down my cheeks into her soft golden hair. I listened to the chorus of my three beautiful children breathing in their sleep, and again thanked God for motherhood lessons. I could study later, blessings come first.
The evening started the same, but somewhere in the middle something changed. I was dealing with putting the kids to bed, which is usually like pulling teeth without Novocaine, when I had an AH moment. I kissed each child and hugged them too, fielded questions on whether they could watch TV for "just a little bit" before bed and asked if they had brushed their teeth. I got to Aidan's bed and hugged her and kissed her, when I went to pull away she held me close and said "Mommy, I miss you". I stopped.. dead in my tracks. I realized that there was so much in those four little words. A little 5 year old girl lost in the shuffle. Always trying to stay out of the way, but fighting not to be forgotten. I felt ashamed of how I always ask her in my exasperated tone to "PLEASE play in your room" or "Aidan can you play magic fairy princess somewhere else?" or the one that cut the most, "Mommy, I made this beautiful picture just for YOU! Do you like it?" to which I gave a distracted "uh-huh" while trying to read for a test. I realized in that moment that my little crazy bundle of energy wasn't a nuisance, she was a wonderful addition to my family, maybe I didn't want her to hurry up and grow out of this stage maybe she was perfect where she was.
Instead of prying her little arms off my neck and begging her to please go to sleep so that I could actually get something done, I asked her if she thought that her stuffed animal friends would mind one more in the bed. It warmed my heart the way she silently asked them and then told me it was "cool with them". I crawled into the tiny space she made just for me. We covered up in her pink blankets and snuggled close. She stroked my face and said, "Mommy, I love you, You are my very best friend!" There it was, the perfect phrase to unlock tear ducts. I whispered in a voice thick with tears, "Aidan you are my best friend too", and I meant it. "Thank you God" I thought as I held her close and listened to her breathe. "Thank you for this child, thank you for letting me be her mother". I felt her small body in my arms and tried to memorize how it felt for times when she wouldn't feel the same. In that moment, homework and my job and bills and anything else seemed so insignificant. I prayed that God would help me remember that she was not to be put in the background of my life. It hit me like bricks that someday she would be grown and I would wish for more memories of times like this and so I must change before it was too late. I was so thankful for that precious moment with my baby, my little girl. Her breathing was slow so I knew she had fallen asleep, peacefully, no fight needed. I was in no hurry to let her go, so I lay there with tears rolling down my cheeks into her soft golden hair. I listened to the chorus of my three beautiful children breathing in their sleep, and again thanked God for motherhood lessons. I could study later, blessings come first.
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